


in another world (just the two of us)

by inlovewithimpossibility



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Episode: s08e09 Green Arrow & the Canaries, F/M, Light Angst, Memory Related, Post-Canon, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23042752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inlovewithimpossibility/pseuds/inlovewithimpossibility
Summary: She knows she has no right, no place here to say anything about it, but she can’t help the images that flash through her brain. A different Connor, with a kinder face and no facial hair, a different Mia too for that matter, in a completely different place. Somewhere darker and grimier, as if the filter that seems to shine over Star City has been removed.[When Dinah and Laurel restore the rest of FTA's memories, Mia and Connor talk through some of their issues... or at least they try to. It's a little hard when you have two lives' worth of memories in your head.]
Relationships: Connor Hawke/Mia Smoak, William Clayton & Mia Smoak
Comments: 12
Kudos: 44





	in another world (just the two of us)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, this is a mess but this idea sparked early and I just had to bash it out because these two babies have my whole damn heart and the possible angst from the set-up of the spin-off makes me quite happy. The whole dual memory thing was harder to navigate than I initially expected so please let me know what you think by leaving a kudos and/or comment! Hope you enjoy!

Mia’s unsure if she’s ever felt so alone in her life.

With William god knows where, her fiancé turning back into the psychopathic killer he seemed to be in this apparent alternate reality they lived, and Dinah and Laurel preaching at her about turning back into the hero she apparently was, Mia really doesn’t know where to turn.

William has always been her confidant, the one person she could always talk to no matter what, and with him gone (and in danger) Mia feels like she’s walking around without her left leg. They’ve exhausted every last option they have and Mia’s fought with Laurel at every turn, grumbling at Dinah as she tries to defend the brash woman. She doesn’t know what she can do and the idea of what their final plan is turns her stomach, but it might be their only hope to find her brother.

She decides in the end that she can’t be there, she can’t watch as they restore the memories of the people she used to call her team. Used to? Did? Parallel universe did?

Damn, this is why she needs William. He’d know how to explain this nerd stuff.

She truly hates that this is the last resort they’ve had to come to. Getting her memories back was not pleasant and she still resents Laurel and Dinah for not approaching her first. She’s begged them to be a little nicer with the others and Dinah at the least has agreed.

It’s a few hours later when she makes her way downstairs into Dinah’s bar. She can’t concentrate anymore on the plan and she’s worked out until her body can’t take anymore so a glass of whiskey will have to do to distract her now.

She heads to the bar and settles on a stool, thanking the bartender with a smile as he places the glass in front of her. she sips slowly, trying to concentrate on the way the liquid slightly burns the back of throat more than her worry and stress and it works for a little while…

That is until she spots a familiar face across the room.

The sight of Connor doesn’t shock her. In fact, she’d been hoping the team might congregate here so that they can get to work but she more expected them to meet upstairs and be ready if they’ve come to terms with the new information.

Connor looks pretty much the opposite of ready for a fight.

He’s settled in one of the chairs by the door, drink in hand and smirking as he talks to a tall, slim brunette with that charming smile on his face. His arm slips around her waist and the girl giggles at him, the clear flirtation readable from across the room.

Mia can’t deny the anger that courses through her at the sight of Connor’s arm around this girl. She knows she has no right, no place here to say anything about it, but she can’t help the images that flash through her brain. A different Connor, with a kinder face and no facial hair, a different Mia too for that matter, in a completely different place. Somewhere darker and grimier, as if the filter that seems to shine over Star City has been removed.

Images of a small cramped space, nights spent confessing secrets and discovering one another in a way that Mia had never experienced before. A Mia who had never known a William, a Mia whose world revolved around the nights spent with Connor for a small while.

And that Mia is _her,_ she’s experienced it and felt all those emotions deep within her. She remembers the way the world would melt away when Connor slid his lips against hers and how, for that short period, the only time she truly felt safe was wrapped in the embrace of his arms.

_The whiskey is not strong enough for this._

Mia’s out of her seat and across the room in seconds, totally unconscious of the movement until she’s standing in front of Connor, arms crossed and scowl on her face.

“What do you think you’re doing?” She blurts out before she can think and both Connor and the girl turn to look at her. Connor smiles but the girl frowns, looking Mia up and down with a dirty look before she slithers away, heading back to a table of whom Mia assumes are her friends.

“Hi, Trust Fund,” Connor smirks up at her, drawing her attention back to him and it’s the nickname he’s called her for a long time but there’s something different to it. His voice is softer somehow, it has less of a bite, and the combination has her head spinning.

“Connor?” She questions, unable to find a snarky response as she usually would. She’s just so confused. Is this _her_ Connor? What does that even mean? Which Mia is _she?_ Is that even how she should be thinking of this?

“Yeah, hi Mia. Are you okay?” He asks right back, tilting his head and regarding her with a concerned expression. That just has Mia spiraling all over again because whilst he seems okay and unfazed, he’s far warmer towards her than he’s been in _years_ in this universe and that is baffling her.

“Didn’t Dinah and Laurel…?” Mia trails off, keeping her voice down as she glances around the busy bar, knowing this probably isn’t the best place to be talking about this. She ends up miming tapping herself against the arm and Connor smirks, his eyes lighting up in recognition.

“Oh, the zap-thing? Weird, right?” He comments as if it’s something as simple as the weather being particularly out of season. Mia’s brow furrows in utter bafflement as she slides into the chair opposite him, watching in amazement as he takes a long swig from his drink and smiles at her.

“Connor, you’ve just had a whole other life’s worth of memories shoved into your brain and all you can say is ‘weird’?” She hisses across the table, bending down close into him and Connor sighs, slowly lowering his glass to the table.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Princess.” He tells her simply, his eyes locking onto hers in an honest expression and Mia huffs, her brain swimming in confusion. She can’t recognize which version of the two Connors she has in her head he is and that’s baffling her more than anything.

If it were the Connor she were used to from this universe, she would know to tease and to fight, catching his eye for a smile as they silently tell each other they don’t mean it.

If he were the Connor from her other memories, she would know to let him inside her walls, to tell him what’s bothering her and let his kindness and warmth calm her.

“Some acknowledgment of the fact that we haven’t always been like _this,_ that we were…” Mia trails off, a blush painting her cheeks as she can’t spit out the words. She knows they were never really _anything_ to each other, no labels or simple explanations to how they felt. All she knows is there was a time when the boy in front of her was _everything_ to her and the fact that he is somehow simultaneously both that boy and _not_ is impossible for her to understand.

“Oh, this is about _her?”_ Connor questions in surprise, his eyebrows rising as he gestures over to the table of girls where the brunette he was flirting with is still stood with her friends.

“I just thought…” Mia trails off again, unsure as to where she’s going with this. This isn’t what she wanted to gain from this. Her main objective is William and the mission but her heart seems to be calling out to Connor in a way that she can’t explain.

It seems that with her mind so clogged with two lives’ worth of memories, she’s lost the ability to hold herself back.

At her words Connor sighs heavily, leveling with a look that Mia knows all too well. He’s disappointed in her and it makes her stomach sink heavily. Despite the urge she has to run, to get far away and simply remove herself from the awkwardness of the situation, she finds herself following when Connor inclines his head towards the backroom, moving away from the other patrons of the bar so that they can talk more openly.

“Mia, you don’t get to do this,” Connor states simply when they’re alone, turning to look at her with a long, deep sigh that conveys that he’s working through a lot more than he was initially letting on. He’s clearly as confused as her and he looks tired, not that Mia can blame for that either.

It’s a lot to learn you have apparently lived a whole other life of which you were unaware.

“Do what? Connor, there’s a real threat out there that we need to face.” Mia backtracks, trying to get the conversation back onto what she knows truly matters. She can deal with her heart later, for now, she wants to focus on finding William.

“Oh I know, and I’ll gladly help with that. Whatever you need, however, I can help, but you don’t get to do _this._ ” Connor tells her, eyes honest and softer than they were in the main area of the bar. He gestures between the two of them and Mia frowns, taking a deep breath as her heart hammers in anticipation.

“I still don’t…?” She starts but Connor holds up a hand to stop her, shaking his head.

“ _This_ Mia. Get annoyed at me when I flirt with someone else, glare at me like I’ve done something wrong.” He tells her, gesturing back towards the bar and his words make Mia freeze.

“I wasn’t…” She tries but Connor stops her again, settling her with a look that’s far from unkind but that still uncomfortably turns her stomach.

“You were. And it’s not fair, not when you’re standing there with my brother’s ring still on your hand.” He states simply and declaratively, gesturing towards her left hand where sure enough, JJ’s ring still rests. She hasn’t worked this out enough yet to plot out what she wants to do and with all the cameras constantly snapping pictures of her, a press scandal wondering why she’s suddenly not wearing her engagement ring is truly the last thing she needs right now.

The thing is, when she thinks about JJ and this ring, a duality of images flood her mind. There’s the JJ who has always been there for her, making her happier than she’s ever been; but there’s also the JJ she watched plunge a sword through her friend, taking sick delight in the way Zoe crumbled into Mia’s arms.

They’re such opposing feelings and Mia has no idea how to sort them, especially with an imminent threat hanging over their heads.

“Connor, this is confusing me just as much as it is you.” She finally finds the words, almost pleading him as she searches his face for any indication of the boy who was always in her corner and she gets it in the form of a soft smile. She relaxes a little at that, her shoulders slumping as she looks at him, begging him to say something, anything, to let her know that there’s a light at the end of this rollercoaster of a tunnel.

“I’m not confused, Mia. Learning that we were _something_ in that other place where JJ wasn’t in the way, that doesn’t surprise me in the way that it’s shocked you. I have loved you since I was ten years old and I know I would love you in any universe. But in this one? You chose him.”

Connor’s voice is calm, not belying any of the heartbreak that quite clearly sits behind his words. He shrugs at her simply as if declaring his love for her is as easy as telling her that it’s raining outside.

Mia knows that it’s anything but.

Her mind fills with memories of a younger Connor, always there to help her, always there to lift her up when she fell down and always giving her a friendly face. But he’s right, Mia had wanted JJ.

She wanted the boy who hadn’t wanted her; the older boy with more mystery and allure around him and she pushed Connor to the side, leaving him as the afterthought.

“Connor…” She sighs as her stomach sinks, a weight settling uncomfortably within her. She’s been so focused on their relationship in this other life they lived that she hasn’t stopped to think about them in this one. Yes, JJ’s the one she said yes to but Connor was always there too and she’s disregarded that too quickly.

She feels awful about it now.

Connor shakes his head, pacing back and forth slightly before he settles in front of her, looking her dead in the eye. Something deep within Mia responds to the passion she sees in his deep brown eyes and she wants to reach out and brush away the torment she finds there. But she knows that she can’t.

Not when she’s the one that put it there.

“No, Mia. In this world that we have _lived_ , I have always been second to JJ. He’s the perfect son, the perfect _everything,_ and I never lived up. Even you only paid me attention when he wasn’t around. I learned to live with that, Mia, and it was _hard.”_

His voice cracks, his whole speech softer and quieter than it was before and Mia feels her heart clench at the clear pain that she’s caused him. She wishes with all her heart that she knew how to make it better but all she can do is stand there and listen as he goes on, his eyes searching hers for something she doesn’t know how to give.

“And you’re doing it again. You learn he’s not the man you thought he was and you’re turning back around to me. You may think this is new, but this is the same game we’ve been playing our entire lives, and I am _not_ picking up the ball this time. I have worked too hard for your bird friends to come in here with their little memory snapper thing and undo all of it.”

His voice snaps as he finishes speaking, stepping closer to her until he’s clearly in her personal space. Mia blinks, instinctively knowing that despite his anger, he would never hurt her, and she rises on her toes to level them out better.

“But that world, it happened, we lived that too! Can’t you feel it?” She implores and Connor stares at her intensely for a moment, their faces mere inches apart, before he sighs, swallowing heavily.

“I don’t know what I feel, Mia, but you cannot expect me to just wait here, hoping that I’m the one you’ll come back to in the end. That is not fair and you know it.” He tells her, his voice softer and more imploring. Mia takes a deep breath, her heart sinking as she realizes that his words are true.

It’s so hard. She can’t think of JJ without the image of his sick smirk as he sank his katana through Zoe also weaving its way into her mind. But there’s also all the fond memories too and she wishes she could somehow separate them to come to more of a solid conclusion than the pure blind panic her brain seems to settle on now.

She goes to speak, exactly what she’s unsure, but she doesn’t get the words out anyway as the door crashes open to reveal Dinah and Laurel, with Zoe and Sara Diggle behind them, the former looking extremely confused.

Mia and Connor separate as if a hot poker’s been placed between them and Mia feels her cheeks inflame as if she’s been caught doing something she shouldn’t by her teacher. She shakes the feeling off with a deep breath, smiling at Zoe when her friend regards her with a warm expression.

“Don’t mean to interrupt your little domestic but I think we have a mission to complete,” Laurel states, swooping past them as if to head for the stairs that lead to Dinah’s apartment.

“And a team to finally do it with… that is, if Connor’s in?” Dinah questions, breaking the animosity of Laurel’s words apart a little before she looks at Connor. Mia follows her gaze, trepidation building in her stomach. She truly doesn’t know how he’ll respond but she prays the loyal and noble part of him that stands true in her memories of that other world will shine through to him as well.

“For the team? Of course.” Connor states with a decisive nod and Mia cannot stop the smile that spreads across her face.

They can deal with this all later.

For now, they need to find her brother.

Fast.


End file.
